The more I see references to the Human Centipede, the more obligated I feel to actually watch it. It’s on NetFlix, but I think I’d be ashamed of what would appear in the ‘Recommends’ list of I actually watched this one. Regardless, it’s Thanksgiving time, and these idiots created something beautiful to shove in their faces. And then they decided to sew it anus to mouth… anus to mouth… anus to mouth. And for some reason I think Hanna Hart from My Drunk Kitchen is there. Which I guess would make sense because no sober human would construct the turbaconepicentipede. (which is unsurprisingly NOT in my spellchecker. Until NOW).
As a parent, I am constantly forced to use television to distract my children for brief (extended) intervals so that I can work (play video games). There are a plethora of wonderful (terrible) options for me on a handful of education (unwatchable) children’s channels. At any given moment, there is one show that is the *it* show, which will cause my children to beg for it for hours on end. I try to carefully steer this towards movies or shows that I can tolerate. High on my list of forbidden programming is Dora the Explorer. Frankly, any show that has those obnoxious pauses where the cast waits for the child to do something drive me insane. Maybe it’s because the kids never actually do the intended action. Or maybe it’s just because it a cheap way to pad out the programming. Or maybe I’m just dead inside, without feeling or emotion and I’m sick of pausing my video game.
Anyway, back to Dora. This video killed me. It is definitely not appropriate for your children. They just can’t handle the explosive awesomeness. But it appears that someone besides me has been subjected to far to much of the world’s most annoying explora’.
Every reference that you notice represents several minutes of your life wasted. Congratulations.
As a kid I remember trying to explain to my dad that I could count to over a thousand on my finger tips. I think he thought I was on drugs which was blatantly certainly not the case in middle school. More recently, at the local kids museum I found a giant binary display with 8 toggle switches that light up a monstrous board with the corresponding number of tiny light bulbs, as well as an LED showing you the sum of the active bits. I dutifully began toggling the switches, demonstrating binary counting from 0 to somewhere in the 20s before my 4 year old co-museum-attendee decided he wanted to play a different game of his own devising. My OCD would have happily toggled switches all the way to 256, but his version probably could be the starting point for a paper on random number generation. Or else the display might have just been broken. Hard to say, but kids are rough on stuff. Like grown-ups for example.